An 18 year old woman I know came to me this morning from the hospital. She was knocked down and beaten by a young male in a club last night. She intervened in a dispute between friends of hers and the young male. She showed me the bruises on her elbow and the deep bruise on her back. The injuries to her head are concealed underneath her curly black hair.
Two weeks ago the same woman was stamped on relentlessly by another young man she did not know at a house party. She spent two days in hospital. She said it gets her down. She said maybe she shouldn’t drink at weekends as it gets her into trouble.
Two weeks ago a 17 year old girl I know was bundled into a car full of young men as she went to the local shops at night. Her boyfirend intervened and she managed to escape. She has since been told by adults she shouldn’t go beyond the end of her street at night as she is asking for trouble.
These are the actions of young males brought up on internet pornography. Fed on a visual diet of female worthlessness. Fed on a diet of commodified sex, gagging, restraint, spitting, slapping, racist language, insulting language. These are their actions. These are not isolated incidents. I’ve seen this so many times there is not the merest flicker of a doubt.
These are the lives of girls and young women brought up in this era. Why must these young women be blamed for going to the shops, a party or a night club? Because we can’t accept our part in this? We’ve messed up and we need to start putting it right.
How can we support industrialized sexual exploitation when anyone engaged with the world can see its effects so boundless and unhidden? And when we consider the violence that is hidden?
In the words of Robert Jensen: It’s time to stop.
No related posts.
Right on brother
Great post Jonathan. In more anecdata(!) from me: groups of young guys in the street have shouted violent or demeaning sexual things at me or other women that I recognise as phrases from pornography. The causal link there is undeniable.
Emily. Ok, since you’ve brought a new word to my attention, I’m going to try to use it. Further anecdata(!) regarding the link between pornographic imagery and real life: I was at work yesterday and I was told that the day before a young woman who occupies the front flat of the same building had her window open as it had been a nice day. A man came to deliver a parcel to our door. Her window is to the right of the door. He delivered the parcel and before leaving the building committed an opportunist sexual assault on the woman with the open window. I hope to put your wonderful new word to more positive use one day. And this did not happen in the same district as the incidents I wrote about in my post, before anyone suggests this is a one man crime wave.
I am a bit bufuddled by this post, as it seems to suggest the dominant experience of women today is one of constant physical abuse, whilst most men are monsters trying to bundle young women into cars. This seems to me more the exception, rather than the rule.
I’m also wondering how, if most males watch internet pornography, why it is only a small number of them who are going about physically assaulting women. If there is such a strong link between internet pornography and violence as is suggested – or simply asserted – why aren’t more men (and more women) engaging in violent behaviour towards the opposite sex in their day to day lives?
I’m no fan of pornography, digital or no, but wouldn’t it be better to ask why so many people turn to pornography for instant gratification and comfort in the first place, rather to actual people with whom they have satisfying relationships, instead of villifying internet pornography in the best tradition of right-wing fearmongering? – Especially when it’s more a symptom of a deeper problem rather than a cause?
Also, I am for the ‘right to choose’ – if people want to watch pornography in private, that’s up to them. I don’t think that means shying away from saying it’s morally dubious, though. But wouldn’t it be more useful – and persuasive – to think about how real relationships with real people are much better than the solo, digital alternatives, rather than casting women as passive, insecure victims who need protecting from the evils of modern life – ironically, in the best tradition of seeing women as helpless and in need of male protection?
Beating somebody within an inch of their lives – like rape – are rightly crimes and punishable by law, though the traditional left-wing argument has always linked excessive physical violence, like drugs, knife-crime, turning to pornography and so on with poverty and paucity of proper education (three Rs) and opportunities in society. In this, it’s interesting to me whether better educated men and women chose to eschew pornography because they have more fulfilling and satisfying ways of engaging their imaginations, and I daresay other things also.
Tolerant Girl. If I were against choice I would probably have written ‘It’s time to ban this filth’. Then again I could have written ‘It’s time to choose to stop’. I don’t think a statement such as ‘porn is morally dubious’ is either worth embracing or shying away from as it doesn’t really mean anything anyway. I think we’re on very sinister territory when we make statements such as ‘these are the exceptions’. It sounds beyond the far right wing to me. Though you’re right. These people are the exceptions, which is perhaps the point. I don’t think it’s interesting to consider that there is a link between socio-economic deprivation and violence as it is too obvious. What I wanted to do in this post is tell people like me (white middle aged, relatively wealthy men) there is a problem of which they are a part, assuming those with less privilege are not yet looking at the site. One reason why these women may seem like the exception is that you will not read about them in a paper or anywhere else and their experiences will not make up the statistics from which we sit in such safe comfort. You’re right to suggest that having opportunity makes a difference to the balance of activities we feel free to pursue, which is why pornography didn’t really stand much of a chance with me. I’m sorry you think we see females as hopeless and in need of protection. I think they don’t need abuse, which is quite another thing, though it may sound the same. And in terms of hope, I’d stake my life on their strength any day, and I am doing. I don’t think women need protection. We need to get beyond it being an issue at all. That’s one of the points of my post really. Maybe the left wing, liberal, progressive left, whatever we’re supposed to be called should be less afraid of taking up unfashionable positions as we have here, be less afraid of being politically incorrect enough to denounce pornography outright, be less afraid of being laughed at, and take some metaphorical territory. There’s no way expressing concern over each other’s basic human rights should ever be considered right wing or over protective.
Who says better educated men eschew pornography?
It’s a popular myth that misogyny and violence against women is only a problem among the poor and uneducated, when actually it is systematic and upheld by laws which are passed by the well off and educated. Rape, domestic abuse, child sexual abuse and prostitution, they are all practised by prosperous and well educated men just as much as blue collar men, and although I don’t know the stats, I wouldn’t mind betting they represent about the same portion of the viewers of porn too. And if you don’t yet know what the link is between porn and these other forms of VAW then it’s your education which is lacking.
I recently had an argument with my well educated and financially comfortable member of parliament about his support of moves to give anonymity to rape defendants. He was obviously a misogynist and although I can’t say whether he watches porn or not, he’s a member of the party who in my area have voted in favour of lap dancing clubs and other sex-themed entertainment venues opening (he’s named Stephen Williams and he;s MP for Bristol West, if anyone wants to give him a hard time be my guest).
Diverting attention from the real issue and blaming the poor and disadvantaged is classic tactic for sustaining the status quo keeping our system oppressive to women in just about every way.
@Tolerant Girl – I agree that the expression of the influence of pornography through violence leans towards being the exception (although one incident is one too many), so how is pornography influencing those who aren’t the exception? In my opinion, it’s the reduction of women (and men, to a lesser extent) to their physical form. This happens all the time, everywhere, by the vast majority of society. A person is defined by more than how similar they look to the porn stars, models and actors that are splashed all over our monitors and TV screens!
Adding to the post of Tolerant_Girl I want to say a few things.
Not every man is able to find a partner with who he can establish a ‘real relationship’, which would be certainly better.
I for one have the problem that my daily routine is determined by loneliness, and I’m not the type of person that finds friends or makes any long lasting interpersonal contact easily. Also after eight hours or more at work, I’m tired and just want to get home. Additionally it is often the case that my friends have no time after when I’m finished with work, and even then we don’t meet other people – we meet each other. So how am I supposed to meet a sexual partner? Besides, it is a fact that our modern lifes promote loneliness. (flexible work hours, the internet, alienation in big cities, a high rate of immigrants in your neighbourhood you don’t understand the language of/you don’t meet often, …)
I have a strong sexuality, or let’s better say, I feel the need to masturbate regularly. Although I must say that I don’t feel ‘the need’ so often if I have enough interesting stuff to do, I would say it is a big part of my life. And it was that way since I can think. (Since I’m 4 years old.)
Now, as I’m not in a relationship, should I suppress my need? – Which I think can cause serious problems in future: Rape attempts, suicide, psychic problems, … the list of the possible ‘outcomes’ is endless.
Or should I ‘let off some steam’ once in a while? I think the last point wouldn’t hurt anyone.
I can’t change how I feel, and what I need, but I’m wondering if I should blend out the pornography and masturbate to my imagination again (which has become more and more difficult since my imagination is decreasing), or if there is just no other way for me and I’ll cary on with this(== watching porn).
As you may have noticed I’m not going to university, instead I have to work. And I’m from Austria. My situation may be a little different than yours.
I want you to consider that some people don’t choose to watch pornography, the circumstances sometimes make it the only way to let of some steam.
And, as a regular consumer of porn, I have to say that someone must differentiate between the ‘porn world’ and the real world. I would never hit a woman, or call her slut, whore, or demand a blowjob. It’s like with other films. You don’t get hit by some bullets in the real world, and still kill your enemies like Sly Stalone, but you may like to watch the ‘action movie’. But I think there are also some idiots too stupid to keep these two worlds apart: Imagination, and reality.
It feels like I haven’t said enough, or like I haven’t explained (my situation) enough, but maybe I can do this in the further discussion.
Carl, you mentioned that you don’t really have the “need” if you have interesting stuff to do….why don’t you look for more interesting stuff to do?….start a project, do some exercise, put together a vegetable garden, invent something….maybe in the process you’ll meet people too and be less lonely.
Hey, Your statement is nothing more than the typical anglo-saxon-puritanism: “Do something ‘usefull’ in Your sparetime”.
Funny those englishmen….
Sascha form Germany
I wonder if similar dynamics affect some heterosexual marriages?
I think pornography was partly responsible for my parent’s marriage ending.
In the 1970s my father used to go to Soho sex shops and buy “hardcore” pornography. It was similar in its degrading objectifying imagery of women. He bought loads. These days he would have downloaded stuff from the net.
My stepmother told me she partly left my father because he demanded more extreme sexual practices than she was comfortable with.
While this is not exactly marital rape it is demeaning and possibly sexual bullying.
While my father may have had a tendency towards this anyway I wonder if the pornography encouraged him?
It is uncomfortable to think that my father, in all probability, was a sexual bully and that this was encouraged by he pornography of the day.
I am wondering if anyone else has reports of sexual bullying within marriage that may be attributed to, or at least encouraged by, pornography?
I think that pornography definitely encourages people to try out sexual practices depicted in it. I think part of what pornography does it that it links extreme sexual practices with a sense of pleasure for the viewer. From there it feeds into viewer’s fantasies and from there on into their sexual relationships. I think pornography encourages men directly to attempt to “try out” sexual practices they have seen in pornography with their partners and I think it is something that can make a woman feel sexually bullied and degraded.
I totally agree Jonathan. It’s time to stop and I have the perfect plan to directly target an awareness campaign at internet porn users. Is there a forum where we can discuss my ideas?
Mark. Well, you could email me! jonathan@antipornmen.org.
The link between violence seen as imagery in porn and real life enacting of that violence is endlessly debated – and, in the case of children’s TV for example, results are ambiguous, although there is a general conclusion, I believe, that depiction of violence increases violence, at least in those with a predisposition. However – if media imagery has not potency to influence our behaviour, why is so much spent on advertising? – while I may not actually act out driving my car at break-neck speed around South of France cliff-edge corners – I am certainly subtly influenced by the sense of identity that imagery gives me and the allure of freedom etc. and maybe as a result enjoy driving my car just a tad faster. It’s the subtlety of influence on behaviour that is the main problem – as in the role of advertising – not necessarily the fewer cases where direct influence can be proven.
Great Post Jonathan, thank you! The two comments that stuck with me most after reading this post were:
“She said maybe she shouldn’t drink at weekends as it gets her into trouble.”
“She has since been told by adults she shouldn’t go beyond the end of her street at night as she is asking for trouble.”
I think it is really disturbing how women often get blamed for being sexually, physically or emotionally abused by men. This happens a lot in our culture and unfortunately even the victims themselves sometimes fall into this trap and wind out blaming themselves.
The focus is too often on what the women could have done to prevent an attack even if it is completely ridiculous (e.g. preventing rape by not wearing a short skirt). Blaming somone who is robbed for having their wallet with them / wearing a watch springs to mind as equally unreasonable but then we are not doing that are we?
The blame must be put where it belongs, with the men who commit these sexist assaults on women.
I absolutely agree that it is wrong to blame the victim of any attack, but nevertheless it is evident that currently we live in a society in which some – I believe a minority of – men feel that women who are dressed provocatively or travelling alone at night (especially if they are drunk) are ‘asking for it’ and feel justified in assaulting them. It is quite right that it is this attitude that ultimately needs to change – but since it appears to be the case at the moment, I think that women should be encouraged to modify behaviours that put them at risk. Ideally we would live in a world where a woman is guaranteed to be perfectly safe, or at least at no higher risk than usual, no matter what she is wearing, where she is or whether she is with anyone, but we don’t, and if a woman is aware that she may be putting herself at risk by wearing a particular outfit in a particular situation and does it anyway then that is a misguided action. I wouldn’t blame someone who is robbed for having their wallet with them, but if they had been flashing their wallet around then I would think that they were being rather foolish, and didn’t deserve but could have predicted the crime and perhaps avoided it if they had behaved more sensibly. The same is true of women wearing provocative clothing or putting themselves in a vulnerable position, for instance by getting very drunk (particularly if they are going to be travelling alone).
The effects of pornography and a porn-soaked, rape-culture society have on young men are everywhere around us, no matter what city or country you call home. How many news stories about rape are there every day? In your area? How many AREN’T reported? This is what happens when every form of media succumbs to the porn/rape culture and makes men believe that women are mere commodities for the taking. The catcalls, the gestures, the incessant leering, the “accidental” brushes and touches on street corners and public transportation… I don’t know a single woman who hasn’t dealt with one or more of these symptoms of a porn-sick society. Pornography represents a hideous power-dynamic, one that shows men as dominant, and women as things. Things to have actions done to, not with. No one would or could ever treat another human being as a porn-sick male treats women passerbys. And all society does is lengthen the list of ways women should act to avoid sexual assault. When will men be held accountable for their actions? When will we stand up and say “No more rape! No more depictions of rape! No more rape for the sake of profit or gratification!” Until everyone takes a stand all wives and mothers, sisters and daughters are all at risk.
I apologize for a long comment. Let me sum it up with a simple equation:
PORN = RAPE
Yes, totally agree. I wish MORE men would take more responsibility for this. More positive role models are needed. More firm guidence to young men imparted by men. If a young man has no guidance and is totally bombared by images in the media and online of hyper masculinity and, in contrast, hyper-feminity (pumped up breast etc. childlike genitals and totally submissive appearance) it is not surprising they act the way they do. They are socialised to think this is the norm, and even what society expects of them. The form of gang violence against women by men in groups is akin to war-time behaviour. The blokes are more concerned about losing face in front of their mates.
When will men be held accountable for their actions?
that’s the crux of it – Kent – well put –
When indeed?
Wow. Thank you all for the discussion. It’s wonderful to hear people talk about this.
When I used to watch porn movies in my adolescence I wonder. How would be if it was a natural woman in your 40′s having sex with a young boy. His body with no hair and very fit. The woman’s body natural, with tummy, with saggy boobs and with hair. It would sound weird. When I had this thought I thought this is against my humanist thoughts and beliefes. Even men are doing all this esthetical beauty – white teeth, protein at the gym, botox and wax. What an end for a bunch of animals
I cannot agree to the proposition that use of pornography leads to an increase of objectification of, or aggression towards, women. Well, not on the evidence so far provided.
It seems a more direct correlation can be made between the objectification of women and the consequential use of pornography. Only once a man has reduced women to no more than a sexual vessel can he derive satisfaction or gratification from pornography. The sexual freedom released by the 60s has done more to reveal repressed attitudes towards women, than it has to removing those attitudes. The publication of material depicting those attitudes combined with the power of the internet to disperse those publications has resulted in a normalisation of abhorrent views about women.
Women now face the choice of either accepting the new misogynist, misanthropic norm or be labelled regressive, prudish or even anti-feminist! Men with unhealthy views about women and female sexuality have those views legitimised. It is a mistake to think that these men are made this way by pornography. Rather, men who see women this way find expression in this material.
As for the proposition that porn=rape – that is just silly. Men viewing porn is regrettable. Men committing rape is catastrophic.
Firstly, on what basis are you making the assumption that the causal link is in the direction of objectification of women –> porn use and enjoyment rather than the other way around? The correlation is equally direct either way, and either way the result is the same – either men who already have misogynist views find these legitimised and encouraged by porn, or men who might not already have these develop them as a result of porn.
Secondly, I think (and I may be wrong) that what Kent was getting at with the proposition that PORN=RAPE wasn’t that men who watch porn are committing rape but watching it being committed. Many women in the porn industry are not there through choice. If you want evidence, scroll down to the bottom of the comments section of this article http://www.antipornmen.org/2010/09/13/three-seconds-of-pornography/#.T5F0pKuGonc.
Oh wow, I didn’t realise sexual assault and rape didn’t exist before porn.
Also, you’re ‘inferring’ that sexual violence against women has increased due to the increase in accessibility of porn – it might be reasonable to also infer that as women have achieved greater equality, sexual violence and rape have increased? (obviously I don’t believe this, but you can’t just look at figures over the years and assume). I think some real studies need to be done on the subject.
I’m 19 now. Probably around 80% of the boys who went to my school have been watching porn regularly since we were 12-15 (13 for myself). Nobody I know disrespects women or treats women like they do in porn. In fact, most of the guys I speak to find emotional, intimate and loving sex to be the hottest, because they are bombarded with “disrespectful porn” so much it has become a bore.
The article does not infer that rape did not happen before porn. Neither is it saying that there has been an increase in sexual violence towards women generally. What it does, is show that at this moment in time there is a lot of violence directed from men towards women. For this it is trying to give a societal context.
Taking into account the very high incidences of rape, violence towards women and sexual bullying at schools at the moment one has to conclude that men at the moment experience a lot of anger and hatred towards women. The question is, where does this anger come from? Your point regarding the greater equality women have achieved may be one of the sources of men’s anger. They may feel threatened in their status by women’s (slightly) increased social and economical mobility.
There must however also be sources that make the concept of violence against women acceptable. One of these sources without a doubt is pornography, in which women are more and more receptacles for the violent penetrations carried out by men. Another source is definitely the belief that a woman “asks for it [RAPE!]” if she is wearing tight or revealing clothing. There is so much within the context of our society that explains away the reasons behind men’s violence towards women and it is about time that we dare to look the truth in her eye.
I do think messages in pornography, music videos, advertising and mainstream culture increase men’s acceptance of violence directed towards women. There have been some studies done on this, but the majority of the ones I have been able to find pretty much pre-date the internet porn age and it is difficult to get a clear cut, relevant answer on this question relating to our pornified world. But then again I am not sure that waiting for research is the way forward. If there are so many voices out there at the moment, speaking out against porn, should we not listen to their experiences?
On a personal note I’d like to add that I used to be you and your friends. I watched porn regularly from a young age, I did not feel I disrespected women or treat them like people do in pornography. I would have done anything for emotional, intimate and loving sex – I even thought I had it with my partner, but everything I knew about sex I knew from porn. Then one day I woke up and looked at myself and realized the porn-world had penetrated into the real-world without me wanting it. I then started realizing how pornography affected my relationship, how it affected my ability to feel close to my partner and my view of our sex life. I wanted our sex life to be like porn, because that way it was and could be exciting to me. Some time after however I realized that if our sex life would be like porn I could not be completely intimate and close to my partner. Ever since I am trying to let go of the porn-world in my head.
There are a tons of blogs where women are expressing extreme hurt, low esteem, depression, and ended marriages because of their husband’s or boyfriend’s porn use. Many women have examples where their husbands were wanting things or wanting them to look certain ways which came directly from porn, which instill such painful feelings of insecurity and sadness and cause low esteem. They talk about their husbands becoming less interested or unable to be aroused due to their porn use. And even though you and your friends may think they treat their girlfriends respectfully and lovingly, you have to consider how women feel when they know the man they are with can have a similar reaction to someone they see in porn. Can ‘t you see how that makes women feel not special, inadequate, and insecure…women don’t look like women in porn. Women are bombarded on a daily basis by images of beautiful women, do you have to imagine sex with them too? It’s no wonder so many women have eating disorders, low esteem or suffer from depression or anger.
I sympathise with you “guest”. I adore my husband but i’m not sure if i could forgive him if i found out he was using porn. This is for so many reasons but mostly I would lose respect for him because I would no longer believe him to be the person I thought he was. I think the porn industry is very damaging to relationships.
WHAT IS BEAUTY? I find that the modern image of women as portrayed frankly everywhere in popular culture has been influenced by the porn industry and is totally null and void. I wish other women would reject it, rather than try to conform to it for the sake of becoming “popular”. Labiaplasty for godsake? I would be deeply worried about a man who wanted to sleep with a woman with pre-pubescent genitals. Fake breasts? Why cut open your body and put yourself at risk? What for? Fake tan, white teeth etc. Beauty is merely fashion, it is transcient and the archetypal beauty has changed throughout history, but it has never been as brutal and without identity as it is now. I don’t find it beautiful at all, but extremely sad.
This discussion – this addictive blend of class, gender, violence, sex, theory, history and social realism – is porn to me! Love it!
I can relate to this post. In 1997, I was finishing high school. The boys had taken to not only peering up girl’s skirts (Catholic School Uniforms), but to touching and pinching the girl’s bottoms. Some girls (popular) didn’t react much other than a mild “stop” and smile. Others reported them to the principal. Nothing was done until mid-year. Mid and final exams were given in the school cafeteria and so the whole (small) student body was present. After one particular mid-term exam had concluded, the boys were allowed to leave on time while the girls were kept behind to be lectured to “not let the boys do this.” I had already witnessed more than one girl try to defend herself by hitting or reporting the offender, but to no avail. Those in charge still insisted that the boys were somehow not to blame. I was livid.
There was also a documentary I saw (I *believe* it was on PBS or some such channel) about a hip-hop music convention that shows an abhorrent number of unwanted touching and grabbing of women and girls by men and boys. They were all there to attend the convention and they were all dressed as people in the videos are dressed. I recall someone in the documentary defending his actions or the actions of others by saying the way the women and girls were dressed made it OK to do what they were doing. What they (many separate groups of young men) were doing was groping women and girls in broad daylight on the streets – and no one did anything to assist the outnumbered women when they objected loudly. The assailant would run back to his group of buddies giggling. I wish I could find the name of that documentary. I just spent a good hour searching for it… no luck.
Jonathan, I’m totally in agreement that porn is bad and harming society, however, the events you describe seem far more down to a much more mundane addiction – alcohol.
Alcohol has been a massive cause of rape, violence, sexual abuse and child abuse since long before the modern porn epidemic. Sober porn addicts maybe horrible boy friends, but they’re still perfectly capable of refraining from assaulting strangers. The same is not true of alcoholics and other drug abusers. Yes porn probably makes binge drinkers even more dangerous, but when you see the damage they do it must be obvious that stopping their drink problem is what is needed most.
Well for what its worth I would never do anything horrible to any woman even when i was in my darkest and most depressed self hating days. I dont see how anyone could do that whether man or woman. But yes I agree porn is responsible in a big way. But some would also argue that porn is responsible for the statistics of rape being “record low” so Im not sure about the statistics but when porn is labelled “bitches do this” and “sluts and whores do that” it is almost guaranteed that women will seen as worthless in such a society. Even victoria secret is guilty which claims to only want to make women look sexy yet their fashion shows and ads show something else. I mean hell one of their ads came on when I was 14. I was like staring and curious with lust instead of considering all women as beautiful. Basically what im trying to say is porn isnt the only issue. Its also sexist and racist advertisements and overtly sexual ones at that. I mean near about every site i visited always had a section called “interacial porn” proving that some were while not hatefully racist were racist just the same. Thats not to say I have something against two people of different races loving one another. But I do have a huge problem with it being marketed so blatantly as though African Americans come from one planet and Caucasians come from another. It seems society treats sex as if its nothing to worry about no matter what context. I find that to be very disheartening. That in intself is part of what enables young men to think of women as worthless except when it comes to sex. I say next time any of you are at a bar ask yourself are you really paying attention to what the woman you are talking to is saying? Or are you just trying to figure out a way to get her back to your place? Just think about it. I find ive enjoyed it more and more just talking and listening about interests rather than expecting sex. Trust me its awesome.